Season

August 30, 2008


Ah, football season.  Renee and I went to the LSU football game today; first of the season!  What a great victory over Appalachian state, I mean..who were they kidding?   Today has been relaxing and unbelievably hot.  It’s hard to believe that a hurricane is even coming.  It’s been nothing but bright and shiny all day.  We went to tail gate before, which was highly uneventful.  Just a bunch of drunk highschool kids smoking everything.  I didn’t drink hardly anything, but boy my smoking made up for it.  I was chain smoking, it was ridiculous.  Oh well. 
I mean really, not much has happened today.  I’ll update later once my day starts…if that even happens.

 

9:56–just came home from hanging out with my friend, Tracey.  We ate sushi and watched House Bunny (*NOTE TO SELF:  when a movie looks like shit on the previews, it most likely will be shit).  Sigh.  Oh well, she enjoyed it, though.  News of Gustav isn’t looking too promising.  I’m off school Monday-Wednesday because of the storm; hurricane party!!!  My mom is looking for excuses to stock on up alcohol because of this storm.  Poor woman gets so stressed out during natural disasters.  Anyways, still not much happened tonight except for when I was at Barnes and Noble tonight I first bought the Viva la Vida by Coldplay CD–AMAZING, and I looked inside ” The Big Penis Book”.  Needless to say, well…..do I even need to say what I saw??!!?  Haha.  Siiiiiiiiigh, wish  me luck through this dreaded storm.  Louisiana has already suffered enough!

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Play Crack the Sky

August 29, 2008


I can’t stop listening to Brand New. I love the feeling that I get when I listen to them, but I hate how nostalgic I get. I keep stearing back to last year at the House of Blues concert where I got to see them play. I feel like if there’s one moment from my past that I’m exactly like now is then. Same boy problems, same cigarettes, same fucked up thoughts, same stress. But then once I really try to put it all in perspective, I’m not the same. I’ve matured, my thoughts have deepened, my friends are different; my life is constantly changing.
Today was a nice Thursday for me besides for all this Hurricane Gustav shit (damn you). Tomorrow will be a nice Friday, too, I suspect. We get to have a reading day in English class so I’m definately excited about that!
Not much else happened today…I was extremely calm and chilled out the whole day. Absolutely nothing upset me and I didn’t feel very antsy about anything either. I’m looking forward to this long weekend. Hurricane party on Tuesday!

Brief change

August 28, 2008


Today was better than yesterday, needless to say.   Yesterday was 10 steps backward from the forward direction that I’ve been trying to get to.  I smoked my first cigarette in 2 weeks and if felt immaculate (feel free to question my word usage).  It calmed me down and got me home in 20 minutes without yelling at anyone driving.  I think the best parts of my day were walking into English class 1st hour and hearing Brand New playing through Mr.  Reynold’s computer speakers and smoking that delicious, menthol camel #9, lung killer on the way home.
My spirits were raised tonight when talk of hosting a foreign exchange student from Latin America came up.  I’ve always wanted to do this, and this is my last chance ever to do so, so I’m really hoping my parents follow through and let me do this.  I’ve already filled out all the paper work.  All that needs to be done is we need to clean out our spare bedroom, which, for the last 5 years has been used as a room for storing junk.  Not a hard task, AND it could help my parents finally sort through all the crap that they’ve been keeping in there and finally get rid of it!  Seems like a win/win situation.
Lots has been on my mind lately.  I’m a senior in high school now and all the pressures of last minute good grades, college, and scholarship applying are now lurking at my feet.  Since my parents refuse to take out any loans whatsoever for college, it looks like I’m stuck in state unless, by some miraculous occurrence, I get an amazing scholarship from a college.  I’ll be applying to LSU (seems like where  I’ll be at next year), Loyola, University of Texas in Austin, University of Vermont, University of Massachusetts in Amherst, and Williams (just for shits…because as much as I love the school, I know they probably wouldn’t accept me.)   I’m not really holding my breath for any of these colleges since I know that ultimately I will probably end up at LSU.  But it won’t be all that bad because I plan on studying my junior year abroad in Ireland (fingers crossed.)   I’m meeting with my guidance counselor tomorrow to discuss my thoughts and future plans tomorrow, so hopefully all goes well.  I’m going to try extra hard for her to like me so she’ll nominate me for more scholarships.  So that’s that.
Another thing that’s been bugging me is I know that Justin is upset at me.  He just doesn’t understand that I’m a senior in high school in another state.  It’s enough stress on me being a senior and taking pretty much all A.P/Honors classes.  To have a boyfriend living in another state would just be a hell of a lot more stress on me, and let’s face it…I’m a good person, but staying completely faithful would be difficult for me especially since I’m getting new crushes constantly.  I think he may be being a little dramatic about it, but I suppose I can’t blame him?    But give me a break, seriously.  If this is all “meant to be” or whatever the hell phrase you want to use, it can wait a year.  I can’t say that I’ll necessarily wait a year, but hey…maybe my feelings will hold out.  I just couldn’t date him right now.  There’s so much he doesn’t know about me.  He thinks I’ve quit drinking (which I really am trying, but it’s just too much fun for me), and he still doesn’t know that I smoke (but only a very select group of people know this).  I think he’d probably flip his shit if he knew, which makes me really want to tell him, but then again…makes me not want to tell him because then I could miss out on something that could one day be potentially good for me.   But trust me, a long distance relationship for me right now is NOT under any circumstances a good idea. 
I realize this is a lot to write, but this is nothing compared to some of the other messed up shit that goes on in my brain.   I’m in full control, though, I know.

I’m so sick

August 27, 2008


I can’t even begin to describe the rage within me at this exact moment.  I just don’t get it.  What do they want from me?  As much as I have slaved to be the “ideal” child to them, nothing is ever good enough for them.  I don’t save every single credit card receipt, I’M SORRY.  My room isn’t always in perfect condition, I’M SORRY.  I roll my eyes sometimes, I’M SORRY.  I don’t want to feel helpless, defenseless, and like a bad person so I defend myself, I’M SORRY.   I don’t make enough money at work to pay for simple things like my dinner, I’M SORRY.  I couldn’t make a 4.0 GPA, I’M SORRY.  I hate myself because you hammered it into my brain that that’s how it should be, I’M SORRY. 

I swear the second I turn 18 I am out of this hell hole, this unloving roof over my head.  The ass holes who birthed me, but didn’t bother to raise or accept me. 

I hate being like this…the way I am.  I feel so small and helpless.  Nothing I do will ever be good.  All effort goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

LIfe is so worthless right now.

Nevermind last night

August 25, 2008


Forget my last post.  I don’t know why I always talk like someones actually reading this thing, and if someone is reading it, please post a comment…anonymous or not, I don’t really care.  The only reason I got this thing is so that I knew someone was reading it and that  at least one person in this damned world knew even just a smidget about me. 
Anyways…I don’t have a boyfriend who lives in a different state anymore.  I need to stop letting my emotions and spontaneity overrule my life.  I wish I could get into the habit of saying “no” more.  I just never like to feel like I’m letting someone who I care about down.   Especially since my emotions are royally fucked and they may always be like this.  Sometimes I really do hate myself, sorry to say.  Fuck therapy, though.  I don’t need it.  I really have nothing more to say at this moment, but I’ll probably add something much later on when I can’t sleep tonight.

 

8:53 p.m.:  I make a damn good mocha.  And I want a cigarette so bad right now…I began to draw Camel # 9’s in religion class today.  I think I might scream if I don’t make any money in tips tomorrow night.  I want lots of tacky, yet meaningful bumper stickers on the back of my hybrid.  It’s kind of an oxymoron that the girl driving the hybrid smokes out of it.  I already have senioritis.  My mom is a bitch, and I flip her off every time she turns away, but yet I love her.  I’m not studying for my World History or Physics quiz tomorrow.  I really think I am bipolar. Life is so weird.

Waking Up

August 25, 2008


“Time passes.  Even when it seems impossible.  Even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise.  It passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls, but pass it does.  Even for me.” [New Moon, 93]

Slowly, I’m beginning to transform this blog of my thoughts into the thoughts and words of other people in the world.  I’m sorry, but I’ve just been on a reading rampage lately.  I’m currently reading New Moon by Stephanie Myer, the 2nd book of the “Twilight” series.  I almost wanted to beat myself up when  I began reading the books.  I’ve never enjoyed reading the same book as every other teenage girl in the world.  I guess just because I always feel like I find so much more meaning in books than other people can.  And also I’ve just never felt like being much of a conformer.  I read the essays people in my English class write about books that I’ve read, and I really just feel that most of the time they miss the point entirely.  I still can’t understand how that one girl said she “hated” Catcher in the Rye.  It makes me cringe every time I think about it.  
On another note, my week was highly uninteresting.  Friday, I was scheduled to work as a food runner, which I did, but only for 30 minutes.  I was so upset that I missed a night of hanging out with my friends for working only 30 minutes.  I went home and read after that.  I woke up Saturday morning and left for Alexandria to visit my grandpa.  It makes me sadder and sadder to see him everytime we go visit.  He’s now having to use a walker to maneuver around.  I used to think that he would never age because he has been such a tough old man for my entire life, but his old age is finally showing…and it’s showing bad.  I finished Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close on the way there, and began New Moon.  The only real interesting thing that took place was my conversation with Justin, my friend from Arkansas who I met in Washington D.C.  It’s pretty apparent that we both  have “a thing” for each other because we talk every single day and we’re both very open with each other.  It’s crazy, but I’ve had dreams about us getting married.  He’s the first guy I’ve met that is 100% respectful.  Honestly, he’s got every trait in a guy that I desire.  He mentioned the idea of a long distance relationship.  The idea seemed a little iffy to me, but we decided we’d just see how things went.  So it’s not set in stone yet…I don’t think.  Sooo, that’s that, I believe.  Things are going smoothly as far as I know.  No crazy thoughts..yet.  They’ll come, though, like they always do.  But as for me, I am returning to my bed to continue reading my book. Au Revoir.

What today is

August 22, 2008


What is today? I’m not completely sure, in fact I spent my 6 hours at school today completely perplexed by everything that came my way. I’ve had a multitude of thoughts these past few days and I’m trying to make sense of them, but I’m just not very good at doing that. I really, really just want to leave and go away somewhere for a while.  Honest and truthfully, I do want to run away from my problems.  I mean I really don’t  have many “problems” persay.  But I am just damn tired of this place where I live.  My eyes are becoming so bored.  There’s nothing new.  Everything that was once beautiful and empty is now torn down and industrialized.  Why do we keep tearing down life??  I don’t understand it at all.  I’m probably just the “weird, vegetarian, tree hugger girl” at school (there was actually an article about how “green” I was in last year’s school newspaper), but I don’t mind. I’m really just sick of it all.  I want to move to Ireland.
Tomorow I’m going to Alexandria to visit my Grandpa, which should be an okay 24 hour visit.  I feel so bad for him because he stays inside of his house on his rocking chair for probably 3/4 of the day, the other 1/4 spend eating, watching TV, and sleeping (but lots of times these things happen in the chair).  He’s such a stubborn man, but I respect him for it.  He said that he worked his ass off to be able to afford the house and there was no way he would leave it to pay for a half-ass nursing home with other miserable people.  I completely understand.  It must be hard to be old.  I don’t think us “young people” give our elders enough credit for just how much shit they have to endure everyday.    Things like this piss me off.  Especially how there’s this new (but yet extremely old) chemistry teacher at my school.  The kids at my school are totally disrespectful towards her and my school, I swear, will be the death of her.  She’s old, so what?  She’s far more learned than all the ignorant ass holes at my school will ever be.  She’s using what she’s learned and loved her entire life to teach you something.  I really don’t understand people sometimes.  Oh well.  I have to go to work now.  Au Revoir.

Today is a new beginning!

August 21, 2008


I’ve started to tell myself this every morning when I wake up, “Today is a new beginning!”  I mean, it really is!  It’s a new day to do something completely different than you did the day before and to continue to be the same person, but to indulge yourself in new experiences, which ultimately can change you!  I love change, I really do.  I’m beginning to think how unhealthy my love for change it.  It is hot outside, but I am drinking hot tea inside where it is still a bit warm because my mother is menopausal and can never decide if she’s hot or cold.  Point is, I would NEVER drink hot tea on a hot day because I am so anti-hot weather, but I am so pro-cold weather.  Actually I really have no clue what I’m saying now, but I’m still getting excited about it.  Getting excited about nothing–that’s yet another thing that I have accomplished today!   I’m getting a little bored of using all these exclamation marks, but there’s really no other punctuation that can really describe how I feel.  i hope I’m not this happy just because of all the caffeine I’ve had today.  I actually only drank it so I could finish reviewing for The Odysseyessay I have to write in class tomorrow and so I could stay up and talk to my friend Justin from Arkansas because for the past 2 nights I’ve fallen asleep before we got a chance to talk.  Well I’m just babbling, so I should get back to my studies (Oh how studious I am becoming!)  Au Revoir!


I just began reading my new favorite book.  I haven’t even completed it yet; I am only on page 86, but I am always able to tell by about page 20 if a book will be my favorite or not.  Don’t ask me how because I am not sure how either.  These are just some quotes that made me feel something while I was reading this beautifully written story.

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“Being with him made my brain quiet.  I didn’t have to invent a thing.” [12]

“Well, what I don’t get is why do we exist?  I don’t mean how, but why.”  I watched the fireflies of his thoughts orbit his head.  He said, “We exist because we exist.”  “What the?” “We could imagine all sorts of universes unlike this one, but this is the one that happened.” [13]

“Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.” [13]

“The meaning of my thoughts started to float away from me, like leaves that fall from a tree into a river,  I was the tree, the world was the river.” [16]

“We laughed and laughed, together and separately, out loud and silently, we were determined to ignore whatever needed to be ignored, to build a new world from nothing if nothing in our world could be salvaged, it was one of the best days of my life, a day during which I lived my life and didn’t think about my life at all.” [28]

“If I’d been somone else in a different world I’d’ve done something different, but I was myself and the world was the world, so I was silent.” [30]

“The end of suffering does not justify the suffering, and so there is no end to suffering, what a mess I am, I thought, what a fool, how foolish and narrow, how worthless, how pinched and pathetic, how helpless.” [33]

“It’s just that everything was incredibly far away from me.” [36]

“Our laughter kept the feathers in the air.   I thought about birds.    Could they fly if there wasn’t someone, somewhere, laughing?” [78]

“I have no need for the past, I thought, like a child.  I did not consider that the past might have a need for me.”  [78]

“I did not need to know if he could love me.  I needed to know if he could need me.” [84]

“When Dad was tucking me in that night and we were talking about the book, I asked if he could think of a solution to that problem.  “Which problem?”  “The problem of how relatively insignificant we are.”  He said,  “Well, what would happen if a plane dropped you in the middle of the Sahara Desert and you picked up a single grain of sand with tweezers and moved it one millimeter?”  I said, “I’d probable die of dehydration.”  He said, “I just mean right then, when you moved that single grain of sand.  What would that mean?”  I said, “I dunno, what?”  He said, “think about it.”  I thought about it.  “I guess I would have moved a grain of sand.”  “Which would mean?”  “Which would mean I moved a grain of sand?”  “Which would mean you changed the Sahara.”  “So?” “So? So the Sahara is a vast desert.  And it has existed for million of years.  And you changed it!”  “That’s true!”  I said, sitting up.  “I changed the Sahara!”  “Which means?”  he said.  “What?  Tell me.”  “Well, I’m not talking about moving that one grain of sand one millimeter.”  “Yeah?”  “If you hadn’t done it, human history would have been one way…” “Uh-huh?”  “but you did do it, so…?”  I stood on the bed, pointed my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed:  “I changed the course of human history!”  “That’s right.”  “I changed the universe!”  “You did.”  “I’m God!’  “You’re an atheist.”  “I don’t exist!”  I fell back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together. [86]

“I shook my tambourine the whole time, because it helped me remember that even though I was going through different neighborhoods, I was still me.” [88]

“Humans are the only animal that blushes, laughs, has religion, wages war, and kisses with lips.  So in a way, the more you kiss with lips, the more human you are.” [99]

“Songs are as sad as the listener.” [108]

“I like to see people reunited, maybe that’s a silly thing, but what can I say, I like to see people run into each other, I like the kissing and the crying, I like the impatience, the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough, the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change, I like the hugging, the bringing together, the end of missing someone…” [109]

“Everything was forever fixed, there would only be peace and happiness, it wasn’t until last night, our last night together, that the inevitable question finally arose, I told her, “Something,” by covering her face with my hands and  then lifting them like a marriage veil. “We must be.” [111]

“..Literature was the only religion her father practiced, when a book fell on the floor he kissed it, when he was done with a book he tried to give it away to someone who would love it..” [114]

“I hated myself for going, why couldn’t I be the kind of person who stays? [114]

“I thought that maybe if she could express herself rather than suffer herself, if she had a way to relieve the burden, she lived for nothing more than living, with nothing to get inspired by, to care for, to call her own…” [119]

“I worried about her, putting all of her life into her story, no, I was so happy for her, I remembered the feeling she was feeling, the exhileration of building the world anew.” [119-120]

“I should have drowned us there in the room, ended our suffering, they would have found us floating face-down in two thousand white pages, or buried under the salt of my evaporated tears…” [124]

“I’m trying,” Mr. Goldberg said to me, as if only the two of us existed.  “Trying what?” I asked, in a voice more concerned than I’d wanted, he took off his glasses again, “Trying to be.” [126]

“We go on killing each other to no purpose!  It is war waged by humanity against humanity, and it will only end when there’s no one left to fight.” [128]

“Just two days ago she said that her life story was happening faster than her life.” [130]

“I thought, it’s a shame that we have to live, but it’s a tragedy that we get to live only one life, because if I’d had two lives, I would have spent one of them with her.” [133]

“I pointed her index fingers toward each other and slowly, very slowly, moved them in, the closer they got, the more slowly I moved them, and then, as they were about to touch, as they were only a dictionary page from touching, pressing on opposite sides of the word “love,” I stopped them, I stopped them and held them there.  I don’t know what she thought, I don’t know what she understood, or what she wouldn’t allow herself to understand, I turned around and walked away from her, I didn’t look back, I won’t.” [135]

“I can’t live, I’ve tried and I can’t.  If that sounds simple, it’s simple like a mountain is simple.” [135]

“I felt, that night, on that stage, under that skull, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time, if life was worth all the work it took to live.  What exactly made it worth it?  What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming?  What’s so great about feeling and dreaming?” [145]

“So many people enter and leave your life!  Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in!  But it also means you have to let them go!” [153]

“Then, out of nowhere, a flock of birds flew by the window, extremely fast and incredibly close.  Maybe twenty of them.  Maybe more.  But they also seemed like just one bird, because somehow they all knew exactly what to do.” [168]

“Why would I want to spend eternity next to an empty box?” [169]

“That’s been my problem.  I miss what I already have, and I surround myself with things that are missing.” [174]

“Life.  It was the ultimate secret.” [177]

“When I was a girl, my life was music that was always getting louder.  Everything moved me.  A dog followed a stranger.  That made me feel so much.  A calendar that showed the wrong month.  I cried over it…I spent my life learning to feel less.” [180]

“You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness.” [180]

“He pointed at, Sometimes one simply wants to disappear.
I pointed at, There’s nothing wrong with not understanding yourself.
He pointed at, How sad.
I pointed at, And I wouldn’t say no to something sweet.
He pointed at, Cried and cried and cried.
I pointed at, Don’t cry.
He pointed at, Broken and confused.
I pointed at, Something.
He pointed at, Nothing.
I pointed at, Something.
Nobody pointed at, I love you.”

“That is what death is like. It doesn’t matter what uniforms the soldiers are wearing.  It doesn’t matter how good the weapons are.  I thought if everyone could see what I saw, we would never have war anymore.” [189]

“No matter how much I feel, I’m not going to let it out.  If I have to cry, I’m gonna cry on the inside. If I have to bleed, I’ll bruise.  If my heart starts going crazy, I’m not gonna tell everyone in the world about it.  It doesn’t help anything.  It just makes everyone’s life worse….” “But if you’re burying your feelings deep inside you, you won’t really be you, will you?” [201]

“It’s the tragedy of loving, you can’t love anything more than something you miss.” [208]

“Maybe we’re just missing things we’ve lost, or hoping for what we want to come.” [222]

“Every moment before this one depends on this one.” [232]

“Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?” [245]

“Everything that’s born has to die, which means our lives are like skyscrapers.  The smoke rises at different speeds, but they’re all on fire, and we’re all trapped.” [245]

“She let out a laugh, and then she put her hand over her mouth, like she was angry at herself for forgetting her sadness.” [255]

“And then a thought came into my brain that wasn’t like the other thoughts.  It was closer to me, and louder.  I didn’t know where it came from, or what it meant, or if I loved it or hated it.  It opened up like a fist, or a flower.” [259]

I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that the vast majority of the universe is composed of dark matter.  The fragile balance depends on things we’ll never be able to see, hear, smell, taste, or touch.  Life itself depends on them.  What’s real?  What isn’t real?  Maybe those aren’t the right questions to be asking.  What does life depend on?  I wish I had made things for life to depend on.  What if you never stop inventing?  Maybe you’re not inventing at all.” [305]

“I don’t believe in God, but I believe that things are extremely complicated, and her looking over me was as complicated as anything ever could be.  But it was also incredibly simple.  In my only life, she was my mom, and I was her son.” [324]
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I can’t even begin to explain how moving this book was.  I couldn’t put it down once.  This book made me feel so many wonderful and painful emotions.  Foer executed this book beautifully and accurately.  It’s a breath of fresh air, and a reminder that there are still real people in this world.  This book, at the very least, will pull out emotions from deep inside that you  didn’t know existed; at least that’s what it did for me.  Some books in this world are only great once, but this book I could pick up in 5 or 10 years and still love all the same, and even more.  I loved this book like no other.  It isn’t a book to pick apart and analyze every single sentence or word.  That would simply take away from the realmeaning of it.  It’s a book to think about, and it’s a book you can find parts of yourself in.  With every comment Oskar or any other character made, I found myself remembering how I once or still think the same things as crazy as they may be.  I could go on and on about this book, but for anyone reading this, I highly recommend it.

** UPDATE (4/12)**  A reader recently emailed me asking for my insight on a few of my favorite quotes.  I was on a time crunch, but I managed to scribble down a few things about some of the quotes.  In no way, shape, or form, am I trying to say that I believe that my insight is correct.  It is simply my thoughts and feelings.

“Just because you’re an atheist, that doesn’t mean you wouldn’t love for things to have reasons for why they are.”

—    This was one of my favorites because I question religion far too much.  I’m not an atheist and will probably never have the guts to completely deny something so powerful, but just this quote restated my whole philosophy on life that everything has a purpose and that everything and everyone is here for a reason, not just by a mere coincidence.  Atheists can have vivid imaginations too.

“I shook my tambourine the whole time, because it helped me remember that even though I was going through different neighborhoods, I was still me”

— This is one of my absolute favorites because I actually used to do something like this when I was little (except with me, I had a harmonica….silly, I know).  This is important to the book because it really shows that Oscar creates most of his identity within his house and with those things that he is familiar with.  In his journey to find the lock for his key, he is kind of forced out of his comfort zone into meeting people with new stories for him to hear.  It’s kind of a way for Oscar to mature and to find new aspects of himself in new parts of his city. ( I’m not sure if I look way too much into these quotes, but this is just what I gathered from reading the book like 6 times).

“When Dad was tucking me in that night and we were talking about the book, I asked if he could think of a solution to that problem.  “Which problem?”  “The problem of how relatively insignificant we are.”  He said,  “Well, what would happen if a plane dropped you in the middle of the Sahara Desert and you picked up a single grain of sand with tweezers and moved it one millimeter?”  I said, “I’d probable die of dehydration.”  He said, “I just mean right then, when you moved that single grain of sand.  What would that mean?”  I said, “I dunno, what?”  He said, “think about it.”  I thought about it.  “I guess I would have moved a grain of sand.”  “Which would mean?”  “Which would mean I moved a grain of sand?”  “Which would mean you changed the Sahara.”  “So?” “So? So the Sahara is a vast desert.  And it has existed for million of years.  And you changed it!”  “That’s true!”  I said, sitting up.  “I changed the Sahara!”  “Which means?”  he said.  “What?  Tell me.”  “Well, I’m not talking about moving that one grain of sand one millimeter.”  “Yeah?”  “If you hadn’t done it, human history would have been one way…” “Uh-huh?”  “but you did do it, so…?”  I stood on the bed, pointed my fingers at the fake stars, and screamed:  “I changed the course of human history!”  “That’s right.”  “I changed the universe!”  “You did.”  “I’m God!’  “You’re an atheist.”  “I don’t exist!”  I fell back onto the bed, into his arms, and we cracked up together.”

— For such a long quote, I can really only say one thing about it.  Oscar’s dad is opening up millions of doors of opportunity for Oscar in this quote.  He basically just tells Oscar that it doesn’t take much to change the world.  So many people think you need to be Mother Theresa to say you’ve helped change the world, but it’s not true.  One small act such as moving a grain of sand in the Sahara means you have changed the world, and that is what Oscar’s dad wanted to let him know.

“I felt, that night, on that stage, under that skull, incredibly close to everything in the universe, but also extremely alone. I wondered, for the first time, if life was worth all the work it took to live.  What exactly made it worth it?  What’s so horrible about being dead forever, and not feeling anything, and not even dreaming?  What’s so great about feeling and dreaming?”

For as many times as I have read this book, I still, for the life of me, cannot figure out why Foer titled this story the way he did.  Maybe he just likes the adjectives extremely and incredibly, but whatever the case may be, he uses those words to emphasize something.  I think this is one of those quotes (Foer has about a million of them) that really humanizes the characters in the book.  Foer doesn’t hide the emotions of his characters.  He is very revealing about each and every person’s most intimate thoughts and feelings.  This quote just delves into Oscar’s most inquisitive nature.  Take yourself back to that very first quote in the book with Oscar questioning the mechanics of everyday items and how they work.  Now, after Oscar’s dad’s death, he questions more intense and deep aspects about not only life, but death.

”Feeling pain is still better than not feeling, isn’t it?”

–This is just one of those quotes that is so incredibly true.  We, as humans, underestimate the power of physical feelings because we’re so wrapped up in how we feel mentally.  We want to feel happy all the time…and how ignorant is that?  We overlook how important pain is to life.  It is essential.  We overlook how most physical pain can heal in a timely manner, but mental pain can last a lifetime.  This quote is just to remind us that pain lets us know that we are alive.  It’s not the most comfortable reminder, but it’s a reminder nonetheless.

PS:  I’ve probably gotten at least 15,000 views just on this one post, and as flattered as I am about this, I wouldn’t mind trying to promote my blog for, well, bloggish reasons (i may have just made a new word).  Please, as you stumble up on this or google up on this or however you come across my blog, don’t hesitate to read my regular posts (not like my life really is that readable)…but…it’d be nice to know that someone is patient enough to read through my staggering thoughts.  I guess what I’m trying to say here is I feel like I’m popular for something I didn’t necessarily write.  As much as I love this book and love the quotes I found in this book, they are not my own.  I hope, at least, though, that maybe I inspired at least 1 person to read this lovely book and find as much beauty in it as I did.  So, to conclude, here is the link to my blog with other, more bloggish things:

Girlwithacoin Blog.

Loneily

August 18, 2008


You know, I think it’s finally happened.  I’m finally realizing that this is it.  This is my senior year….this is the year that I make some of the most important decisions in my life.  I want to spend my senior year feeling free, having fun, and making it a year to remember. 
I’ve been praying more lately like I said yesterday and I really have begun to see a difference in myself.  I mean today when I was driving home from school today, I felt genuinely happy and I was so overwhelemed with the feeling that I just laughed.  It was one of the most refreshing laughs that has ever been expelled from my mouth.  I’ve been waiting so long to feel this feeling–It’s so unbelievably refreshing.  Prayer is slowly becoming an outlet for me.  Like, whatever and I mean..whatever is on my mind, I can say it and know (or at least hope) that someone is listening to me.  And I choose to believe that yes, someone is listening to me.