June 25, 2009
weed and daiquiris really are a nice way to celebrate an LSU college world series win. sometimes i feel like none of this is getting me anywhere in terms of where i should be aiming towards, but lately i’ve been an “in the moment” kind of person.
but i feel like it’s not going to get me the respect i deserve from people, especially from the opposite sex. i’ve been on a hiatus from the opposite sex for the past few months. i guess it’s taught me about finding that one special person, but i haven’t found anyone and no one has found me. but oh well.
i’m not sure why i’m thinking about all of this now, it’s just that i don’t want to end up being a “back seat of a car” or “bathroom stall of a shitty bar” kind of girl. i’ve got standards, but i feel like no one sees them or maybe i don’t show it loud enough.
nothing is permanent. nothing. especially not my moods. i was so excited and ready about my future and about college yesterday, but today everything just got ruined. i was placed in english 1001, which like hell i do NOT need because i’ve been in AP/honors english since freshman year and writing is about the only thing i’m decent at. so now i have to write a 2000 word essay and submit it to the english department so i won’t be stuck in an english class with ignorant idiots who could care less about literature.
i am being forced to take biology 1001 for my psychology major instead of being able to take geology like i wanted to. i guess i can’t complain as much about this, but it’s still shitty.
all of the arabic classes are full so i can’t take a foreign language my freshman year or at least not until the 2nd semester. i wasn’t able to take philosophy, BUT with all the bullshit i did qualify to take a 2000 level Psychology course since that is my major. The only class that I wanted to take and was able to successfully sign up for is Math 1021 and Intro. to Interior Design. That’s so sad.
I’m not really sure why, but this really set me off and I’ve been in an awful mood all day.
I know something else is bothering me, but I don’t really know what it is yet. I just feel like I’m sinking back into the hole that I always find myself in after I’ve dug my way out. I hate this. I really do.
June 23, 2009
Today was the first day of orientation for LSU. As much as I have been disappointed and far from excited about going here for college, today made me realize that this is the beginning of the rest of my life and it’s this opportunity that ultimately determines my place in this world. I really want to just embrace this whole experience so that 20 years from now I won’t look back with disappointment or regret.
So onwards about today. The day started off awfully boring, but slowly progressed into fun and adventure. Just about 5 minutes ago I decided what classes I’ll be taking, although it’s still all tentative. It’s a pretty nerve-racking experience trying to pick and choose what classes to take for your first semester of college, but still so exciting. I feel like a little kid in a candy store who can’t decide what they want because everything is so damn appealing! So if everything goes according to schedule, I’ll be taking Arabic as my foreign language, Algebra 1021 (college algebra) for my math, Geology & Prehistoric History as my Natural Science, Philosophy as my Humanities course, and Intro. to Interior Design for my Arts. It’s a little silly that I’m a Psychology major and don’t even get to take Psychology, but I guess it’s just how it’s done here.
All in all, though, I am content with my decisions and my choices that I have made and are attempting to make. I guess that’s all you can be with things like this. I’ve got a long future ahead of me, and hopefully it’s a bright one.
P.S.- Thank you Brian for actually reading and caring about my staggering thoughts that I so carelessly post on here. It really does mean alot. ❤
June 22, 2009
i was rummaging through my AP english notebook through some of the various scratches of paper that i documented my thoughts on. i found this one particular entry from the day that it snowed in Baton Rouge. for some reason this day was a day of new discovery for me and here’s what i wrote.
December 11, 2008
In all of my years of living in Baton Rouge, Louisiana I have yet to see such a beautiful and awe-inspiring morning. I awoke to the scene of fluffy, white snowflakes dancing in the wind and delicately settling on the foreign ground. It is such a sight to see– the thin, white sheets of snow resting on Southern ground. The way the snow clings to every surface it graces and illuminates its’ beauty, allows me to truly appreciate the simpler occurrences in life. I feel as if I am viewing my life to come through a kaleidescope as I sit on this frigid, stone bench outside marveling this wonder. This sight and every sight I see comes to me with such magnitude and such vibrancy that at times it seems too much to absorb.
I feel as if no wrong can occur. Life is happening just as it should, yet I feel like this fleeting moment in time is so unreal that I cannot fathom something so genuine, and so simple as Snow. My body is numb, but my soul is dancing and rejoicing.