November 24, 2009
so here i am, another tuesday alone in my dorm hiding out from myself. i am avoiding studying, eating, and the empty thoughts floating around my mind. all i can think about is how much i want to leave this place. it’s not that i’m miserable here because i’ve successfully lived some of the best moments of my 18 year life span in louisiana, but i’m ready for something new. something bold and exciting, scary, risky, and something i’ve never known before. all i can think about from all of this is a quote from one of my favorite books, The Unbearable Lightness of Being.
“A person who longs to leave the place where he lives is an unhappy person.”
This quote makes me wonder how accurate it truly is. is it so awful to want change? to want to experience something totally new?
November 20, 2009
My thoughts are numerous and the days turn into nights much quicker these days. I feel as if every day is the same. I sometimes try to spice things up and take a different route to class, but I still manage to see the same faces day in and day out. I still don’t understand how this is so since LSU’s campus is so large. I still feel like I haven’t gotten the hang of college yet, and the semester is almost over. I’m not sure how I’ve managed to get decent grades, because it’s not like I’m really doing anything to earn them. I sit in my dorm room listening to Brand New and just feeling sorry for myself. There’s really no escape from here, is there? I feel like I’m becoming a terrible person with a lack of regard for other people’s feelings. Since I got stuck at LSU, I figured I would do all I could to make friends from new places so I wouldn’t quite feel like the same person anymore. Well, I’ve succeeded and all I’ve done is fuck up my past friendships. And the worst part is that I could care less. I am just so obsessed with change, and I crave it more than anything. Any new chance for me to do/try/feel something new, I accept with open arms. I know all I’m doing is rambling here, but there has just been so much on my mind lately.
I’m lonely. I am surrounded by beautiful and caring people constantly, but yet there is still an empty void. Maybe it’s just because the weather is getting cooler, and I just want someone to cuddle with. Who knows.
November 1, 2009
i’ve had so many thoughts lately about life, love, the past & future, and other things that really don’t fit into a specific category. i’m a little upset that i never jotted them down and that i’ve probably already forgot half of them, but here goes!
– lately i’ve noticed how the people in my life who i thought had the most direction in life never started out like that and some actually don’t have much direction at all. instead of having a standard plan with how to live their lives, they live spontaneously, but intently. they go with where life takes them, where love takes them, and where their true passions lie. i used to be so stuck on the idea of stability, but lately i’ve come to the realization that i enjoy life so much more when i live it at an unsteady pace, embracing my highest highs and lowest lows. i guess i really just figured out that i don’t want to live my life with a solid plan on how things should be, but instead leave room for failure and improvement and always have an open mind to whatever happens.
– i’m not sure why it seems to be so “in” to be alike. all around my college’s campus, there are girls wearing nike shorts, t-shirts, cute sandals, straightened hair in pony tails, caked on make up, and northface backpacks. it’s a little disgusting to me and i know i shouldn’t judge, but individuality is way too important to me not to care.