March 31, 2010

While doing my readings for history, I came across a quote by Andrew Jackson that just touched me in an unbelievable way.  It sums up my thoughts on politics–why i lean left and have a liberal outlook not only in life, but in politics.

” The planter, the farmer, the mechanic, and the laborer all know that their success depends upon their own industry and economy, and that they must not expect to become suddenly rich by the fruits of their toil.  Yet these classes of society form the great body of the people of the US; they are the bone and sinew of the countrymen who love liberty and desire nothing but equal rights and equal laws, and who, moreover, hold the great mass of our national wealth, although it is distributed in moderate amounts among the millions of freemen who possess it.  But with overwhelming numbers and wealth on their side they are in constant danger of losing their fair influence in the government, and with difficulty maintain their just rights against the incessant efforts daily made to encroach upon them…Unless you become more watchful in your states and check this spirit of monopoly and thirst for exclusive privileges you will in the end find that the most important powers of government have been given or bartered away, and the control over your dearest interests has passed into the hands of these corporations.”

Lots of times people try to tell me that the only reason I’m liberal is because my parents are.  I disagree entirely for multiple reasons.  When I was younger, my parents never really talked politics with me.  I’d always know who they were going to vote for only because I asked.  I never knew why, though.  That was solely up to me.  I remember telling my parents when I was in 2nd grade that I was going to be a Republican because all my friends were, they made no remarks to me whatsoever that would make me think they would disapprove of me belonging to a political party different than theirs.  As I got older, I took multiple quizzes–each clearly stating that I was definitely liberal.  I’ve always been a supporter of the little people in life– the average joe’s or people that just get overlooked in society.  Being liberal does not mean supporting those people who are too lazy or unmotivated to work.  I feel like ever single one of my conservative friends thinks this.  Being liberal means caring about every single person equally despite economic, religious or social, differences.  It means accepting people as they are and understanding that every person has something to contribute–not just the overly educated or financially successful.  I’m liberal because I care.

PS (not on topic): I get around 80-200 views per day now, but no comments.  pleaseeee, pleasepleaseplease, do not shy away from commenting!  it absolutely makes my day to read what you guys have to say in response to me.  i know i’m only really well-known on here for my blog on Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close, but that was never my intention.


I’ve been surprising myself lately.  Thoughts that, in the past, I would typically block or ignore, I am welcoming into my cluttered head.  I’m not as scared as I once was of letting go and taking a risk.  I feel like I am ready to take on this challenge, whatever it may be.  I have finally found something good in my life that is real.  This time, I don’t have to pretend it’s something other than what it really is.  I have no idea what this next year has in store for me…or us…but I really do believe that things will happen as they should.

song of the day

March 10, 2010

One day by Matisyahu.

I was listening to Pandora on my iphone on the way to class under the Trevor Hall station and this song came on.  I don’t see the relation to Trevor Hall, BUT I fell in love with the song.  I haven’t listened to anything since.

Today was good.  That is all.

uh oh.

March 9, 2010

So I have to show my parents my grades…from last semester.  And it’s already half way though this semester.  No, I did not show them my grades earlier.  I guess I was too embarrassed.  They were dreadful.  I’ve been avoiding the situation completely just telling myself I would do phenomenal this semester, which I’m doing way better than I was last semester…I think.  I kind of maybe told a fib or two to make my grades seem a lot better than they were.  Ehhhh I just hate disappointing them because they expect so much.  It’s just that the first half of last semester I was so rebellious and angsty  that I was at LSU and not some far away school hidden out in the Berkshire mountains or something.  The other half I was just dealing with a situation that was not my own, but I was definitely a part of.  I’m really working harder this semester, I swear.  I always just get a slow start with academic things.  I’ll get the hang of it eventually.  I just need to keep my eye on the future and remember that I’m not just taking these classes for nothing.  I’m taking them so eventually I can work with special needs children.  So really…I’m not just letting myself and my parents down, I’d be letting down so many beautiful children with so much to offer.  I’m not going to let that happen.  I need to motivate myself!  And more importantly…my own room.  And maybe a furry animal to have at all times.  I’m not sure how that will help (except to distract me), but I’m naturally a care taker.  I need something to baby.

Blah.  I think I am ACTUALLY going to get a head start studying for my biology test that is on the 25th.  Or maybe I’m just kidding myself.  Who really knows.

Au Revoir.


March 9, 2010

Sometimes I wish I actually was capable of being stressed because then maybe I’d get my shit done in a timely manner.  I had 2 midterms today (anthropology & bio lab).  I feel like I never feel 100% assured that I did even alright on any test I’ve taken in college yet.  I study, but apparently I suck at retaining information.  I have my history midterm tomorrow and as of now I only feel C ready.  Hopefully by tomorrow afternoon I’m feeling A ready.  Too much has happened today, but in all honesty I couldn’t even give a recap because I’m still utterly confused at what’s going on.  I have way too much on my mind and even more things that I need to verbalize.  This is one of those times where there really is literally no word to describe my feelings on the current situation floating around.  I just feel like problems are unnecessary and cause petty drama.  I know I should probably be feeling sensitive, but I was raised with tough love, so that’s just what I give to people.  You get up and keep going and if you keep falling, then, damnit, it’s your fault.  Shape up and do something about it.

Okay now I really need to stop sounding like my military grandpa.  It’s creepy.

Au Revoir, folks. (13 hours til midterms are finished…eeeeesh!)

P.S.: I found this post from a while ago.  It kind of makes me giggle.

September 28,2008

“I have decided that I am an existential theist.
I define my own being! and you can too! how beautiful it is to just BE.”

deciphered text

March 7, 2010

“I feel like I’m constantly searching…for something…Still trying to find something to fill a void. Did I make the right decision by deciding to take a chance (and not play it safe at all) or should I have just stayed with what was only ok? Is all the bad ever worth it? Is the reward just on the horizon or does it simply not exist?”

I received this text last night from a good friend and tried to decipher it or at least find an answer to her question in my drunken stupor. Not a good idea. So here I am, not hungover at all (shocking) , makeup smeared, hungry as balls, trying to figure this all out.

I think we all have some sort of void that we long to fulfill, but it’s hard to eliminate the void without knowing what you’re trying to fill. The m

ost common thing I’ve seen my friends, my peers, and myself do is try to suffuse the emptiness with a boy: a silly little boy. It never works out. Ever. Because 9.89898989 times out of 10, another person isn’t just going to pop into your life to fill your deep dark hole. You have to do the filling, the searching, the learning, & the understanding. Lots of times I just don’t think voids exist. We talk about voids like they just create themselves and make their way into our lives. Voids come about from a lack of understanding. We’re all so unsure of our purpose in life, we’re unhappy, confused, broken, abused, misread, lost……sad. I think to fulfill your “void” you must take time to know yourself. Get to know your likes and dislikes, strengths and weaknesses. I truly don’t think you can go very far without loving yourself; not just your BEST self, but all of it. Even the fuck-ups. Maybe you’ll find out that you’ve known yourself all along, and that you just weren’t able to accept that self. Maybe you forgot the person you once were who actually did satisfy you, but yet you just yearned for more excitement, and wound up even more lost for that same person. Whatever it is, you need to find it. Find that thing that makes you YOU. I don’t mean to sound redundant, but there really is so much truth in that.

“Is all the bad ever worth it? Is the reward just on the horizon or does it simply not exist?” — Yes. I think it’s the bad which ultimately makes you a stronger person.

Yeah, yeah that sounds SO damn cliche, but I really think it’s true. Sometimes, though, it’s the bad which holds people back and you can’t really dismiss that fact. We can bury the bad so far down that it’s almost as if it doesn’t exist. Yeah, it’s hidden, but it’s still there until the day it rises to the surface and you have to face it head on. You have to embrace everything your life has to offer, EVEN the bad. It’s a part of you, and yeah…it’s not good, but it’s scientifically proven that negatives can equal a positive. Some things that happen in life, you can’t control, but there’s still a hell of a lot that you can. Don’t be so quick to blame others for your misfortunes. Take a good look at yourself and whatever problems you must face. If you would have done even one small thing differently, would the outcome still be the same? Probably not, but there still are some exceptions. Take the humble approach to bad situations and accept your wrong-doing. It’s one step closer to eliminating the bad. Once you can accept it, it’s easier to let go and forgive yourself. So take hold of that fact and transform your bad. I think your ultimate reward will be happiness. It does exist! You just have to take all measures to make sure you can achieve it.

So, after a number of instances that have taken place over the course of last weekend and this week, I decided I had to write about it since it’s been tossing and turning in my mind all day and keeping me awake at night.

Drugs.  I’m not opposed to them, I don’t condemn people who take part in them, I think some should be legalized.  I also think that it loosens your grip on reality.  I guess I have to blame this on myself because I was the distributer.  I didn’t realize it would become a problem, only because I, myself, was not taking part in it.  In only one week’s time, I’ve noticed how much it’s warped the thoughts of someone very close to me.  She’s making rash decisions that she doesn’t even realize could severely  affect her mentally.  All because of drugs.  I believe in escapes for people, but not ones that completely falsify life.  I think reality should be faced head on, and when you try to mix drugs in with the picture, all your problems do is increase and hide themselves even more than they did the last time.  So when you’re sober, where does that leave you?  You can’t face your problems unless you have that damn pill.  I don’t want my life to be like this.  I don’t want the people I love to be like this.  Life, in it’s purest form, can be so beautiful. Why would you want to try to pretend life isn’t something other than what it is?
I don’t want to sound like I’m rambling, but all I wanted to say here is that I don’t want to participate in anything unnatural anymore.  I can’t say I’ll stop toking, but I don’t want to be around anything that’s going to make me hooked and forget what reality is really like.

PS: I think you should listen to Back to the Earth by Rusted Root.  I think it kind of matches up to what I’m saying here.

“Back to the Earth, I scream it
No one listen to me
Back to the Earth I live they all follow
Come on Come on See my world my world”

Come back to Earth. It’s real here.