memories

June 29, 2011


heres to….?

June 5, 2011


New medicine, moving back home for a few days, first dates; realizations.
I feel like every day I’m becoming mentally more stable. I agreed to come and stay at my house for a few days just to make sure I was staying grounded, and to help out with things around the house. I was pretty bitter about it at first, but what started as something so dreadful became meaningful. Every time I spend the night in my old bedroom I remember so much about my youth and growing up. Even just sitting here at my old desk brings back so many memories of me discovering so much beautiful music and me figuring out myself by writing for hours. I cleaned out my entire room from top to bottom. In some of my drawers, I still had bows and ribbons from my elementary school days. My mom came across my old scrunchie that had my old elementary school’s uniform pattern on it and teared up a bit. I really didn’t blame her. I wanted to cry as well. As long ago as it all was, I can still remember it quite well. Looking at myself now and then remembering who I was so long ago is such a strange thing. I remember imagining who I’d be when I was older, and in some ways I’m just like that person, but in other ways…I feel like I’ve let my younger self down. I never imagined in a million years that I would fail ANY classes ever…especially in college. I’m really mad at myself, but I’m hoping that my anger will turn into motivation to succeed. I’m learning to trust myself more and more every day.