February 15, 2012

Life has kind of taken this huge turn in the past however many months it’s been since I updated last.  There are only about 3 and a half more months left of my year of service with City Year.  Just as everyone told me, the time flew by, and now it’s February and I’m still trying to put into perspective what has even happened this year.  My life has turned into routine: wake up at 6 AM, take a shower, eat breakfast, get to work for 7:30, set up/prepare for interventions,  morning duty in the cafeteria for breakfast, ELA intervention, reading block, other ELA/Math interventions, and the list goes on and on and there is rarely a break to the routine. I usually get really tired really fast when I find myself caught up in a routine.  But this year has been different.  I’ve started to find them fairly nice and definitely stable.  Stability is really that one thing that I’ve ever been searching for, and I’ve finally found it, but just in time for it to be lost come May 18. 
I love what I do, I love the school I work with, the children I work with, and the other people I work with.  It’s all so surreal sometimes.  I’m doing exactly what I want to do in life.  I just wish sometimes that my relationship with Kevin wouldn’t interfere with my service as much as it does.  Throughout this whole relationship, I’ve kept a pretty blind eye to what happens most of the time.  We’ve had a rollercoaster type of relationship.  We’ve had our share of ups and downs, but there’s never any consistant or happy medium to our relationship.  I love this boy.  I really, truly do.  I’ve never cared for anyone as much as I do for him, but sometimes I can’t help but wander if he is my destiny or the only one for me.  I guess I’ll just keep fighting this inward battle alone and maybe, someday, I’ll come up with a solution.