& that’s how it goes…

November 29, 2012

The past 6 months for me have been hell and as much as I’ve tried to not believe that, it’s just so undeniably true.  I’m not sure who I am anymore.  I have no self-control.  I want to be alone all the time.   I’m still doing terribly in school. I feel like I have no close friends and I don’t even know how to have relationships with people anymore. I have also become an expert at lying and I am NOT ok with this.   On top of making up lies I also withhold the truth, and that’s what is going to eat me up the most.   I make myself sick these days.  I can’t do anything anymore without thinking “why the fuck did I just do that.”  I don’t know what I have done in my life that has led me to here.  Since as far back as I can remember, all I’ve been trying to do is set up my life so that I would have a good future.  I always felt like I had a solid grasp on what I wanted my future to be like, but now I have no idea.  I can’t even keep up with the present.  These days go by way too fast and I can’t keep up. I feel like I just have been fucking up everything lately.  I refuse to blame ANYONE for any problems I might have, but I sometimes can’t help but think how different (and maybe better) my life would be now if I hadn’t met some of the people I did.   I know there is absolutely no use in thinking about the past still, but my mind redirects itself there all the time.  No one knows who I am and I don’t either.


2 Responses to “& that’s how it goes…”

  1. Kiana said

    THIS is exactly my life right now!

    • girlwithacoin said

      well i hope we both figure out how to get through it without fucking things up even more than they already are. cheers!

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